i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
