my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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