I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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