he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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