my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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