This is not my ceiling
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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