Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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