My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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