True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
