Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
