I love black thongs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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