Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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