Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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