We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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