some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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