You're completely useless in the revolution.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
