What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
