...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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