chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
