I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We have started to decorate penises.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
