He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
