my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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