I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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