I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
