Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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