2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
