I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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