You just made me feel so damn special
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
