I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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