This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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