youre lurking in front of me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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