you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
