Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
