Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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