Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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