C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
