also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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