He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
