Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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