so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
