I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am midnight drunk by noon
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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