I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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