i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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