why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
