this must be what syphilis tastes like
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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