Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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