I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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