11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
