i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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