So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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